So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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