I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
