But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
