This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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