i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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