Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
