it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
