it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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