I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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