can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
