She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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