You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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