You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
