It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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