I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
