I smell stomach acid.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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