why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize