And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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