SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
