My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
