..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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