enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
