I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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