I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
