I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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