so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
