I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
