Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
