1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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