If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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