there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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