Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
