On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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