I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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