Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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