The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
