i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
