i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
