cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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