God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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