how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
