Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
