It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
