TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
