hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
