last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
