Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
