I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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