I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
