I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize