suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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