I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
