i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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