yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize