What a fucking waste of an outfit
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
