You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
