Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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