i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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