remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
