so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
