If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
