omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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