Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
