It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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