So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
