i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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